It’s become a sad epidemic in our society today. Gone are the days of loyalty and true commitment. The way of the world now is if we’re not happy, we throw our partner to the side with the idea we’ll just pick up a new one elsewhere. Afterall, the grass has to be greener on the other side, right? And all our unhappiness surely is at the fault of our partner – that will change it!
The reality is the grass is only greener where you water it. No partner is responsible for your happiness. Perhaps more importantly, God never promised you, me or anyone else happiness. He promised He would never leave or forsake you, but that troubles would come to help us grow and make us stronger. Valleys are where the most character is built, and some of our biggest tests of faith happen. The idea that God, the Universe, world or any other entity you may believe in, owes you happiness is completely false.
But let’s take a moment to reflect on the ramifications of the worldly ways today… When people are tossed aside so haphazardly, after trusting a partner to love and cherish us, it creates such an insecurity. Insecurities lead to unhealthy emotional attachment styles. Unhealthy emotional attachment styles not only stick with us but transfer to our children. Children who also witness or experience the abandonment through divorces/separations and such, come away with the same issues. Children and ex-partners alike begin to settle for less than they should with less confidence in themselves, their values and fears no one else will want them since they were so easily discarded. Overcoming these unavoidable results is a tough road, and one someone has to be dedicated to in an effort to properly heal. So, it’s not something everyone will do. And when they don’t, the damage just continues on. It’s a vicious cycle.
One of the most common issues of relationships today on both sides is fear of abandonment. When we enter relationships with such a fear, we hold back, put up walls and have superficial emotions. Two people cannot create a true, deep and meaningful connection with such hesitations. This starts a cycle of shallow connections which really never reach their full potential.
To further the endless negative cycles, the person who did the tossing still doesn’t find happiness because most likely their partner was never really the issue to begin with, and the root of the problems still exist. The efforts they weren’t willing to put in the original relationship – they generally don’t forge into new relationships, either. At least, certainly not long term. The statistics on success of subsequent marriages or relationships declines greatly with each additional number. And there is a high ranking number of those who toss their partners to the side that either live with deep remorse/regret and/or have strong desires to return. Most are too proud to attempt it.
SO, how do we alleviate the cycles? We need to get back to the days where we see value in the people we love and work to fix issues in relationships rather than just dispose of them. God created each of us individually and specially. There is no one else like us and each one of us is to be treasured and viewed as the rare gems God created us to be. If we break our arm, we don’t chop it off and go get a new one. We repair the one we have. We nurture it until we mend it back to health. We need to learn to invest in our relationships along the way and not allow them to get to such catastrophic conditions where it feels impossible to repair them. We need to remember that through God all things are possible and God is NEVER going to tell you to divorce or quit on your spouse/significant other. (Disclaimer: Abuse situations are different and not referenced here.) Our society has a lot of work to be done and it starts with each one of us. It needs to start today.
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