One of the first things I realized after being abandoned by my then husband of 21+ years was the feeling of being in a twilight zone. Nothing seemed normal. My entire world had been turned upside down. I had no idea what the next day would bring, or the next, or the next. My focus in that moment had to be to remind myself to breathe. Literally, I had been gut punched and it was the kind of punch that wasn’t going to go away in a few minutes, few days, or even few years.
As I tried to put one foot in front of the other, I had to dig deep and figure out what I could control, what I could fix that would help me to see the next day. At times, it was more like what would help me see the next minute. My world, my kids’ world, had been rocked. Gone were the normal afternoons of dad coming in from work and us deciding what to do for dinner. Gone were the evenings of talking with my best friend and going to bed at night with him lying next to me. Gone was the security of waking up next to him the next morning. No more having a man by my side to help me feel safe and protected. No more assurance of our future together. Future vacations. Future plans. My world, as I knew it, was completely gone. Sure, I woke up (when I could actually sleep) in the same bed, same house. But for how long? Where would I live? What could I afford? How would I be able to help my kids? Change was happening and I had absolutely no control.
I repeated the Serenity Prayer at least a thousand times. Honestly, it offered very little comfort. I tried living in illusions, but reality always set back in quickly. The mind and body is a tremendous wonder in all it will do to survive or cope. But ultimately what set in very quickly is this… We ALL live very comfortably day to day in our worlds and “security” that we will go to bed the same way, get up the same way, have the lives we build every day the same way. The reality is that not one of us are promised ANY of it the next minute, the next hour, the next day. What you have now, could be gone in an instant. My hardcore truth had slapped me in the face like a boulder demolishing a building. We all spend vast amounts of time, efforts, energies investing in our lives. We build the dream homes, the dream jobs, the dream families and go to bed at night thinking of the security in our lives we have built. Yet rarely, if ever, thinking that at the snap of a finger – or in my case, one quick decision by someone who had promised to love, honor and cherish me all the days of his life – changes your world forever.
So, what’s my point of this entry? To share with you that the security you feel in your life is a facade. None of us have any security in the things we build here on earth or in the material world. Not even in our relationships. We should never get too comfortable in any situation – be it a job, a relationship, a home. The ONLY security we have is the God we serve above. He is the ONLY thing on this earth, or beyond, that we are promised and assured will be there forever, and regardless of any other circumstances. And while we don’t control Him (would we really want to?) we do control if we choose to follow Him and have Him as a part of our lives.
I can’t say I’m thankful for a lot in the days that forged ahead of being abandoned. There are a few things, but mostly those actions unleashed a life of hell on me and my children. But the one thing I can state for certain is this… I wouldn’t be here today had I not been rooted at the feet of God. He is the one and ONLY thing that got me through the deepest valley of my life. I will forever give Him the credit, and gratitude, for surviving that time. Why is this important enough to write about? Let it serve as a wake up call for each of you. Make sure you’re where you need to be in life with God. Make sure you have the relationship you should with Him and don’t wait until next week, or next month to do it. Do it today. Because none of us know what the next hour will bring. None of us know when we need to be prepared for the boulder that will demolish our life, as we know it.
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